week 11 training recap

Miles run: 32 Wow — this week was rough. 

I laugh because I think I jinxed myself Wednesday night when I was [proudly] telling my husband how easy it was in July to get my runs done and that they all generally felt good (minus this past Tuesday). This week was incredibly emotionally draining for so many different reasons — my dog is sick, which has completely devastated my husband and me, I had a “routine” MRI for Breast Cancer screening, and then my self-inflicted emotional Barbie Day. On top of it all, I had a hectic work week.

On Tuesday, I completed my 5-mile run at night after work. Everything hurt — not in a wrong way, but just in the way that everything ached — nothing felt easy. The heat and humidity were awful, and I felt like a snail moving through peanut butter while on fire (what an image).

Wednesday, I had my first-ever MRI for Breast Cancer screening. When I turned 30, I started getting mammograms yearly, and when my Mom died, secondary imaging was recommended. Both imaging procedures are supposed to be routine, yet nothing feels routine about getting screened for the cancer that ultimately took my Mom’s life. I’ve had my fair share of MRIs, too, for my lower back and was always fine in the tunnel, but lying face down, in such a vulnerable position, with no light and the machine’s sounds, was terrifying, stressful, and all around horrible. It was over in about 25 minutes, and after I sat outside for a while to calm down, I drove home and promptly took a 3-hour long stress-induced nap.

Due to a busy work week, I had to move my long run to Thursday. What I’ve learned about myself after 7 years of training is that I don’t enjoy running when I’m forced to do it. Meaning, I have to get this run done today because there’s literally no other time that will work in the remainder of the week. It puts this added stress and pressure on the run and, quite frankly, sucks any fun out of it, which is exactly what happened on Thursday. I woke up at 4 AM and was dressed, eating breakfast, stretching, going to the bathroom (runners - you know). I planned to head to Valley Forge and run the 5-mile paved loop in the dark, knowing that other runners would be there so I wouldn’t necessarily be alone. I started to overthink (or did I?) and psyched myself out about heading there in the dark. Then, I thought, “Well, I’m up. I could start my run on the treadmill and get at least 5 in before the sun is up, then head out around the neighborhood as it’s getting lighter”. For whatever reason, the thought of the treadmill filled me with dread (we call it a dreadmill for a reason, you know), so I sat on my couch, staring off into space, procrastinating every form of running. I eventually started right before 6, as it was light, and I felt safe running alone.

Surprisingly, the humidity wasn’t horrible this early. It was only around mile 8, as the sun started to peak through and grow stronger that I struggled. At mile 10, I sat down to chat with myself about how I would finish this long run (15 total planned). I decided to run 1 more mile home and then finish the final 4 inside on the treadmill, officially fed up with the heat and the humidity. At this point, I had looked like I had gone swimming. I got home and hopped on the treadmill after my husband kindly said, “Please don’t be upset with yourself.” (I wasn’t upset; I just wanted to be finished). I attempted to run the first mile but wasn’t feeling it and decided to “hike” the remaining 3. I alternated inclines of 6-8-10-12 throughout the 3 miles to simulate being on Mt. Joy, so I’d feel a little bit more productive. I finished, took a very welcome shower, and headed over to my Dad’s to spend time with him.

After a long run, the following day always has another run planned, so I get to practice running on tired legs. I had 7 miles planned, but again, after the Barbie Day sadness and all the other emotions of the week, I moved things around and only ran 5. I’m laughing as I type “only” because I still got the run done when I didn’t want to, and it was still miles on tired legs. Besides the humidity, which had decreased slightly from some storms, these 5 miles felt decent.

Sunday, my final running day, left me with my 7 miles. I woke up at 6 this morning and fought myself for about 2 hours before I finally made it out the door by 8:30. I told myself I could run the 7 miles after work, but starting a 7 mile run on a treadmill at 8:00 at night sounded like my worst nightmare and knew I was more likely to can the entire thing, so off I went. I ran from my house down to the French Creek trail again and back into my neighborhood. I felt like I was swimming, my lungs irritated by the humidity, but I was proud of myself for getting it done.

I’m proud of myself for this past week — for doing hard things when it would’ve been easier not to, for sticking to my plan, and for taking steps forward to better myself even when I didn’t want to.

But... I really hope this week is better, or at least my runs feel easier to complete.