16w to 50

The first week of training is complete.

Miles run: 0.

Wait, what?

Yes, you read that correctly.  My 50 Miler training kicked off Monday, June 24, and I haven’t run this week.  After my long run, my left knee started to flare up around June 20, so I took a few rest days.  I told myself it was okay - enjoy the extra rest before this journey begins - you’re about to be really tired all the time.  Except when my knee still didn’t feel better, and it was Monday morning, I began to panic. I was talking with my close friend, who also happens to be my Pilates instructor, and I kept saying, "I just don't understand what I did. I don't understand how this happened," and she replied, "It doesn't matter what happened, what matters now is that you move forward and fix it." After that conversation, I booked the first available appointment with my primary care doctor.

I'm fortunate to have an amazing coach who has talked me off the ledge for seven years. She constantly reminds me to remain calm BUT also lets me know when it’s time to panic. This was not a time to panic. We were talking on the phone, reviewing the last few weeks, trying to figure out what could’ve flared it up, and while we’re still not certain, we’re in action now to fix it.

My primary care doctor wrote me a script for physical therapy. My physical therapist, whom I’ve also been with for…six years (on and off, of course), also kept me off the ledge and assured me it’s not time to panic.

My knee's tendon is inflamed and stuck between the healing phases.  Unfortunately, what this means, is we have to piss it off more to kick it towards healing completely.  This means lots of manual work on my knee and my quad.  (I can tolerate the quad… the digging and moving around my kneecap, though, literally makes my stomach turn).  I’ve been given stretches and exercises to do and have already begun to feel relief. I can walk downstairs now with minimal, if any - no discomfort!

While I’m still really bummed that this is how the first week began, I keep telling myself it could be worse - it could be bigger. I'm also working through the feelings that instantly arise when I get hurt. There's still this weird shame and embarrassment when I'm hurt and can't run, even though I know that I run for me and me only. In my long-term history of injuries, I’ll take the knee. It’s also a good reminder that we only get the one body we’re given. We have to take care of it. We need to love it. And ironically, over the past few months, I’ve been struggling to love my body - to feel comfortable in it - to talk kind to it. Despite all the amazing runs and miles I've accomplished in the first half of the year, I've not been kind to myself. (That's a post for another time, though).

So, week 2 of training starts tomorrow.

I have physical therapy tomorrow night, and I'm hopeful this week will bring some miles, albeit low mileage, and horrible humidity - I'll cherish every step.